Current Mood : Dazed
Throughout my entire life, I have prided myself on being a Taurus. It is even to the point now, where I think I use the stereotype attributes to determine who I am. LOL. But nonetheless, I HATE change. I do not cope well with change at all! All threw out my life, I have fought change to all end. I am not sure as to why I am this way.... I guess I like to be in control, and when there is change on the horizen that I am not in comand of it I panic, throw up defences and fight it all ends.
Recently there have been so many changes taking place that I feel I find life very uncomfortable. As I go on threw the next couple of weeks I am uncertain of my sanity. There is so few people at work that I know anymore. Everyone seems to be moving on by either there own ambitions or the ambitions of the company to expel those it feels unfit.
Whist I agree that the people the company has let go, is great for the company as a whole, and that is what I really do want deep inside somewhere. It does make things differnt and awkward. When you go to work on a daily basis for so long, you fall into a pattern, and when that pattern is disrupted. Its a massive slap in the face. Its not that I was the greatest of friends with this people, and for the most part, I would not even say they were as much as acquaintances. I suppose one just gets accustomed to seeing them everyday. And when they are no longer there, there is a deep underlying sense of loss.
Some of co-workers that I would consider more than co-workers... friends really, are now moving on to a differnt loaction with our company. And in fact there is a some peer pressure from them for me to join them. It is a case of the "Grass being greener on the other side of the fence". Well actaully in this case the they are moving from a lush pasture to a burnt out dead field with(what I feel is empty) promises of even lusher pastures in the upcoming near future. This is even more change that I can not bare to handle. All I can say is that all change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.
I've grown extremely exhausted of all these recent changes, and the stresss it brings me, that I have now, been forced to cope in a fashion I wish not to. I have to go about my business, not get involved, pretend nothing is changing and use this time to slowly get use to it, so that the new now becomes the new old. I now live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that I begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing. Without accepting the fact that everything changes, I cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for me to accept it. Let's see how well I cope!
Until next time, this is the Poomaster signing off!
Take Care and Remember : Have Fun out there.
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