So back to the story.....
Here I am, yet to be transported to yet another new town. We came up about a month prior to look for a house, and some jobs. I found a job, the first place I went into... so that was fun... or was it. Bob and I had to begin work a while before our actually move date. So we came up a few weeks later and stayed with Bob's friend, John. My lord, this was an adventure and a half. Small, cramped and HOT. I hate work at this point. HATE IT.... it was bordering unbearable. I worked up at Smitty's on Circle. I thought I would fit right in, as I worked at the one in Moose Jaw for several years. The owner of this franchise was a complete and utter(for a lack of better words) asshole. He fired anyone on a whim. We had complete new staff turn over EVERY single week. The Kitchen was ill ran and run down. Every health code violation known to man was sound and cemented in this kitchen... it was horrible! SERIOUS........ Never have I ever seen anything like this in my entire life. Smoking in the kitchen, grease build up so bad it was solid on the floors, old broken equipment.......It was horrible. I guess I was lucky and worked at one of the best Smitty's --- Bright clean, fun. The owner of this Circle Drive franchise, used back handed operations, cheating the systems every turn. I later found out from other Smitty's owners, how far he actually went in his operation scandals.
Anyways, I continued to go to work and pretend to be happy there. So I was off, back to Moose Jaw to pack and stuff for the move. The next couple of days were hell. I hate moving with a passion. I packed, and cleaned. Whilst my mom packed up everything in Lampman, I was packing in Moose Jaw and bob was working in Saskatoon. Bob came to Moose Jaw on the bus, we rented a U haul...drove it back to Lampman, loaded it up, Drove to Moose Jaw, loaded me up, then on to Saskatoon. It was quite the adventure. We moved in to our house, and life went on as usual. I going to work completely hating it. It got to a point where I had enough.
I was actually arrested by Management for theft!!!!! Ive never stolen anything in my life ( 7-11 when i was 5 does not count). When i started working there, I had to sign a paper that allowed work to deduct 5 bucks a shift from my paycheck for my staff meal. Ok, fine..fair enough. Then they shortened my shifts and did not get a half hour break... which BTW was illegal as I was still working 7 hours. So I asked them to stop taking the deduction of my cheque. They refused. So I thought I would just take my meal home after I was done work, after all I had paid for it right? I actually was taking food home from the buffet, was destined for the trash when it came back off the buffet. The next day I was in serious shit, as I was handcuffed for theft. That is when I found out that I was being watched by 27 cameras............. including the ones in the change rooms. I was not concerned, as I never felt like I was stealing... anyway the cops just laughed after they heard the story...... best of all the boss told the story. LOL. It was at this point that I had phoned the labor board about 8 times in a week. The boss was not liking that so he fired me. Distraught and confused, for I had not been fired before.....
I went home and applied for jobs on Saskatoonjobshop.ca Well the very next morning I was answering the phone. And it was Mohyla Institute. They wanted me to come down for an interview. I had no idea what this place was... but I went down... and talked to a nice lady named Karen. It was not even an interview..... she showed me around the kitchen and said she was going home, as she was done for the day ...lol I stayed and made supper. LOL. It was a student residence. Home to about 60 students in University. It was my job to cook for them....I enjoyed this job a lot. I went Tuesday threw Friday at 2 and cooked, cleaned left at 6:30 Then Sat and Sun I went in and cooked them brunch at at 10 and then supper for 5:30 then home at 6:30. Great shifts, I loved it, I loved the people... I love everything about it. And the students loved me. It was a decent job, sadly it paid shit. Min wage with no hope of an increase as they are non-profit. But I had no huge financial commitments, I did not need a lot of money.
One of my favorite parts of working with Mohyla, is that in the summer when students were no longer there, the place operated as a hostel for several groups. We'd had the Ukrainian Immersion Summer classes, the French Exchange Program and several other nationality programs come threw. I learned a ton and got cultured quick on many places from around the world this way.
Back at home, there was some issues, mom was leaving the household after a new man. Ditching Bob and I, taking Nikita and leaving. This came as a shock, no warning.. just were leaving this weekend. It then became apparent that she had been seeing this new man for quite some time. Bob and I agree that we should find an apartment, as we could not live on our own due to money. So we found a nice apartment over on Pendygrasse Rd. Work Continued as is.....
There was a summer French Exchange student that came threw, and she was the nicest lady every.. she was mid thirties...she was a bit slow mentally. We got to be decent friends. No one else really liked her in her group... in fact when they'd go out, they tell her all about the fun they are gonna have and tell her to go get ready... she'd go and get all spiffed up and ready to go out with her new "fiends" and then they would sneak out and leave her getting ready. It was heart retching. She and I were good friends for the few weeks she was down... and I'd have her come and help me in the kitchen and stuff. We got to talking and over the few weeks, she convinced me to go back to school and take my three year apprenticeship. I had lost sight of that up until she came into my life. I was so resistant to the idea, she went around the city in a taxi, gathered books and forms for me, called people and had them call me. This was AMAZING. Kind of a mentor in a way.
It was sad when she had to leave. But then again everyone I met there left. That's the way it was.
Back at home again..... Bob had started seeing a gal named Tristan. They worked together. They dated for a bit, then it was decided that she should come live with us. I had met her a few times before, she seemed like a cool chick. We seemed to hit it off right from the start. She and I being the same age level and all, the same goofy care free thinking..... We went and helped her pack and move in.... I like helping others move.. just not myself. I'm not sure how long it was but shortly there after it was decided that Tristan and Bob wanted a place of there own.... I think i smelled or something... it was weird... I asked no questions. It was handy, cuz she was not even fully unpacked yet. Bob and I were in a lease,.... he continued to pay is portion of the rent. As the lease came to a close, he was no longer liable to pay for 1/2 the rent and I could not afford the rent on my own... so I again moved back in with mommy in her new mans place. And Bob and Tristan moved back into the apartment that I and Bob shared. I pretty much lost contact with Bob and Tristan... we saw each other around town once in a while tho.
Back to work now.
So that year I got in and started my apprenticeship. I acquired even more confidence in my cooking skillz and gained new talents. That I expected more money from doing the work that I did. Realizing that a raise was out of the question, and when the board was approached about my increase they laughed and said they had been paying min wage for 20 years.. why change now. I started looking for other work. It was not long into the 2nd year of apprentice ship that my teacher hooked me up with this restaurant at Innovation Place Park. Boffins. I started part-time in the early mornings. Leaving at 1 to head to work at 2. Boffin's paid a whole 1.50 more than Moyhla that soon turned into me leaving Mohyla to work full time at Boffins.
This story ends roughly 2.25 years ago. Stay tuned for part three.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Life Reflections Part 1
As I work diligently, performing my duties as though they were flawlessly programmed by a supercomputer somewhere, I loose myself deep in thought. The 10
year anniversary of my departure from my concrete, yet unstable, family life is soon approaching. It was time I broke off, and moved on with my life with further schooling! How did I get here, whom have I met, where I am going? All of these questions lead to the mental re-enactment of the last few years' events.............
I moved away from my base home life, not knowing what to expect, just as any other teen I suppose. When moving away from home; some might feel scared, nervous, excited, relieved or even overwhelmed. In retrospect, I adventured into the new world expressionless! Not feeling anything, just going along with the world.
As I sit, surrounded in boxes and bags, I find my self in the middle my bedroom floor, as my mother and her boyfriend(whom of which we hear of later) walk up the stairs to leave and begin there 3 hour journey back home. It is at this point I am floored with a feeling I am yet to describe. Let me try now.... empty-ness, hollow-ness, uncertainty and a little nervous. I get up, forcing the tears back, as I look out the basement window, seeing the green Ford AeroStar drive off! It is here; that I am hundreds of miles away from any of my friends, as they too, all went in there own directions after high- school. Not knowing a single person, a single store, a single anything, I sit here and think about nothing, .....just thinking. I then come to a conclusion that I should take a walk, get to know the neighborhood. Loosing myself, and my house, I finally get back home 3 hours later. I feel much better, trying to think of nothing related to my situation and await many things, including the phone hook up, the delivery of my bed, the cable Internet connection, and many more, that should be taking place with in the next week or two!
Finally, the school days come! I meet some cool, and some not so cool people! That is the way the world turns, I suppose. Of all the people in which I met, none of whom were more than school mates. We did our work at school, when school finished for the day, nothing more than the casual and courteous “see ya tomorrow's".
It was not until going onto about a month, that I made my first real friend.
It was the first day in which our Phys. Ed. class started. It was not much of a class, just the teacher going through the sports that would be upcoming in the course, and outlining the requirements. After this 15 minute talk, we were shown to the weight room, to where we had a chance to purchase a membership. It was at this point that Denise(whom of which would be the cause of much drama later on) had said 'what's your plans for tonight' I did not think she was talking to me, so I ignored it... .......'jayson,.... whats your plans for tonight.?' , not wanting to express the fact that I had no friends and no life, I said I was tired and was going home to sleep(which in a way, was true, I was tired!). She then said...' oh, I was gonna invite you over for supper'. We chatted a bit and as it turns out, I was over at her apartment. (sounds hte the beginning of a porn don't it.)We had a nice steak dinner, where I met her children. Damned if I could remember there names now. We sat and 'chewed the fat' for a couple hours. Discussing our past, histories, hobbies, interests, and such.... just small talk really. You know, it was at this point of events, the ice broke!
The days went on, and as any school does, tests and examinations arose.
The following week, Aidah(with whom, up until this time, I did not get along with completely, due to her 'motherly and over powering personality', but we enjoyed each others company during school) was commenting to the class in general on how she would enjoy the company of a study partner for our first upcoming bakery test. Having the ice broken, I humbly volunteered.
We made plans of heading over to Hopkin's(my place of work at the time) for cheesecake and to study! We got out of class at 2ish p.m. and we headed straight to Hopkin's. We studied a while and 4:00 rolled around. It was at this time she said that she should head home(next door) as Natalie(another class member) was headed over to pick her up to go out to play ball with the class (for which I did not sign up). So we packed up and we headed next door. When we arrived, I had told Aidah I would wait until Natalie came, as she did not want to wait alone. When Natalie, arrived I was invited to join them. Good lord, I think to my self. But nonetheless, I decided to go. We headed down to the park and were the first to arrive as the game was not scheduled till abouts 5. Game went well! I played a little, however, Im not much of a ball player... 'but showing to be a good sport'! It seems as though the three of us were the only ones not drinking as we're not a drinking crowd! Its 6:30ish and we all head off. The three of us going in Natalie's car as she was gonna drop Aidah and I off at our house's. Along the way we chatted, small talk really. I shotgun, chatted mostly with Natalie and we both discovered each others love for a good steak. We all then decided that we were starving, as none of us had eaten. So after much debate we decided to beef it over to Bonanza. There we ate like cows and studied till 9:00. WOW. What a night!
The following days, things went on as usual. It was roughly 3 days later that I and Aidah had casually said we should do something! Later that day, we still said we should do something. Not sure what yet though, the day went on.
On our ritual daily bench wind-down. We decided to invite Natalie, as it was so much fun with the three of last time. She joking said “sure, you are just using me for my car.” As it turns out we did do something that night, but hell if I can remember what.
The following weeks we did something every night after school. Only separating on the week-ends where we all went to work in separate cities.
We spent, literally, every waking moment together! We got up and were at school by 7.00am, got out of school, around 2:00pm, then we went out for supper, did something(movies, swimming, just chilling, spa-ing, cruising, bowling, cooking, watching Survivor, dinning out). We stayed out until 10 or 11pm every night, to go home and sleep to be at school at 7am to start all over again! It was fucking great!
Things were looking great. Life continued in this fashion for several weeks.
It was soon to come that Denise joined our threesome. We did everything, starting with a large feast including many courses. We went to Safeway and I purchased tones of groceries, where went back to Denise's place and cooked up a storm. From this point on, we did everything together for months.
Soon, Thursday's were set, Survivor Africa started. We being Survivor fans, and Aidah coming from Africa, this was our 'special night'. Thank god for this, for every night was a spending spree...Thursday was 'cheap night', where we stayed home and ate, and watched TV.
On one particular episode, one of the tribe alliances, made friendship necklaces. We thought this was cool. The following week, we happened to be in the mall and stopped by a shop that sold necklace apparel. Various interesting beads and such. We decided that we would all pick a cool bead and all 4 of us would have identical necklaces to represent our circle.
That Thursday, as we watched survivor, we built our necklaces, and vowed to never take them off!
The weeks went flying by jam packed full of events and fun. Swimming, dinning, cooking, watching tv, spa-ing, movies, shopping, traveling, you name it! Things were great!
It was not too long, before, Nat, Aidah and I realized that Denise was not wearing her necklace one day. We did not say anything about it. It was after about a week that we mentioned, she said that she had forgot to put it back on after her shower. It was at that point, I think that the 4-some trembled. Shying herself away from the group, Denise started hanging out with the “other group”(including our arch-enemy MAT COMSTCOCK). She, leaving the group, only made the three of us stronger.
Life went on pretty much as usual, jammed packed with events(a little cheaper now, than before, but still great times)
It was at this point that another merged into the group. Back in the past, quite some time ago, Heidi had come to me and asked me If would come over and study our Food Safe course with her. I had already made plans with Nat, and Aidah( well not really, but it was a unwritten law, that we always did SOMETHING). I said I would get back to her, and later that day, it was planned the Nat, Aidah and I were going to study over at my place. So we invited Heidi along, and she said she was too tired to leave the house, so we ended up at here place for the first time. We ordered pizza and chilled it up.
It was at this time that Heidi and I grew on each other. Chatting and such.
Now, it can be seen that this could and did cut into the groups time. But not much was said, and I balanced both situations nicely. As it turns out Heidi, did not want to socialize with Nat or Aidah, cuz she thought that they hated her, and Nat and Aidah did not want to socialize with Heidi, cuz they thought she hated them. So there I am stuck right smack dab in the middle.
I managed both nicely, of course the group did suffer, since we spent every waking moment together. It was one day that my management skills flawed me. I came out of my house, and both were parked there right behind each other. Heidi, wanting to rent a movie and Nat and Aidah wanting to go to the spa. Well I put my foot down here and said this has got to stop. It was at this time that I had told each other the story about the others not hating each other, and we should chill together. As it turns out, we all ended up going to the spa and having a blast.
From then on Heidi and I did much together. We spent time with the group, but Heidi, never warmed up to the group and was not as close-nit as we were with each other.
Soon my friendship with Heidi was tested greatly. I became a 3rd leg. She met her new boyfriend, Steven. All was well, I suppose. However, time went on and the events that Heidi and I did, turned into “STEVEN AND I ARE GOING SWIMMING".his was cool, as I found Steven to be pretty cool. To some degree, this relationship was merged into the group somewhat, but not really. Time moved on, all to fast, school was coming to an end, we all needed a place to move to, some of us were going back home. There was no way I was going back home, and it came upon us one day that I and Hiedi should move in together to share living costs. As Heidi's relationship grew with Steven's they decided that he should move in with, which I had no say in. As the last days of school approached , we all went our separate ways. Nat went back to Pontiex, Aidah, moved to Regina. After living in our new house for a month or two( which we went through hell to find, then went through hell to get), Tristan(whom was my former roommate and good friend) found a job in Moose Jaw and needed to move back, we, with open arms, let him into the family.
Things went well for a a year and A half. Of course we went threw the common issues that living with roommates brings, but all in all, it was good times. Steven I started hating each other... he strangled my cat with a cord, and then back handly stole one of my cats and took it to his farm, as he self-proclaimed we could not have two, and he brought one home... so I guess mine had to go.... poor Daytona..... she went to his farm, while I thought or months she just ran away. I will forever miss that cat. As great as things were going....... we all started to grow in our own ways..... not really apart from each other..... just grew and went our own ways. Tristan was looking for a place closer to work, and there is random causal talk of Steven and Heidi wanting their own place.
He was here that I slightly was concerned and panicked... now Imma have to move and start all over and stuff. But that lasted on a week or so. Ironically my mother called me up one day and mentioned that she and her boyfriend(BOB- whom of which was previously mentioned, and will be mentioned again later--- stay tuned for that Jerry Springer story in part 2), and she asked if I would like to come. With nothing keeping my in Moose Jaw...and the possible disaster of moving drawing closer and closer I accepted graciously.
So that brings me to Saskatoon. WOOT!
Back in the real world, I realize that I did all my tasks flawlessly, and it was time for me to go home. What a day at work! I see Xris outside waiting for me... so I finish up and come on home. This story ends 5ish years ago, perhaps tomorrow I'll fall into another slumber and reflect on my life thus far in Saskatoon.
year anniversary of my departure from my concrete, yet unstable, family life is soon approaching. It was time I broke off, and moved on with my life with further schooling! How did I get here, whom have I met, where I am going? All of these questions lead to the mental re-enactment of the last few years' events............. I moved away from my base home life, not knowing what to expect, just as any other teen I suppose. When moving away from home; some might feel scared, nervous, excited, relieved or even overwhelmed. In retrospect, I adventured into the new world expressionless! Not feeling anything, just going along with the world.
As I sit, surrounded in boxes and bags, I find my self in the middle my bedroom floor, as my mother and her boyfriend(whom of which we hear of later) walk up the stairs to leave and begin there 3 hour journey back home. It is at this point I am floored with a feeling I am yet to describe. Let me try now.... empty-ness, hollow-ness, uncertainty and a little nervous. I get up, forcing the tears back, as I look out the basement window, seeing the green Ford AeroStar drive off! It is here; that I am hundreds of miles away from any of my friends, as they too, all went in there own directions after high- school. Not knowing a single person, a single store, a single anything, I sit here and think about nothing, .....just thinking. I then come to a conclusion that I should take a walk, get to know the neighborhood. Loosing myself, and my house, I finally get back home 3 hours later. I feel much better, trying to think of nothing related to my situation and await many things, including the phone hook up, the delivery of my bed, the cable Internet connection, and many more, that should be taking place with in the next week or two!
Finally, the school days come! I meet some cool, and some not so cool people! That is the way the world turns, I suppose. Of all the people in which I met, none of whom were more than school mates. We did our work at school, when school finished for the day, nothing more than the casual and courteous “see ya tomorrow's".
It was not until going onto about a month, that I made my first real friend.
It was the first day in which our Phys. Ed. class started. It was not much of a class, just the teacher going through the sports that would be upcoming in the course, and outlining the requirements. After this 15 minute talk, we were shown to the weight room, to where we had a chance to purchase a membership. It was at this point that Denise(whom of which would be the cause of much drama later on) had said 'what's your plans for tonight' I did not think she was talking to me, so I ignored it... .......'jayson,.... whats your plans for tonight.?' , not wanting to express the fact that I had no friends and no life, I said I was tired and was going home to sleep(which in a way, was true, I was tired!). She then said...' oh, I was gonna invite you over for supper'. We chatted a bit and as it turns out, I was over at her apartment. (sounds hte the beginning of a porn don't it.)We had a nice steak dinner, where I met her children. Damned if I could remember there names now. We sat and 'chewed the fat' for a couple hours. Discussing our past, histories, hobbies, interests, and such.... just small talk really. You know, it was at this point of events, the ice broke!
The days went on, and as any school does, tests and examinations arose.
The following week, Aidah(with whom, up until this time, I did not get along with completely, due to her 'motherly and over powering personality', but we enjoyed each others company during school) was commenting to the class in general on how she would enjoy the company of a study partner for our first upcoming bakery test. Having the ice broken, I humbly volunteered.
We made plans of heading over to Hopkin's(my place of work at the time) for cheesecake and to study! We got out of class at 2ish p.m. and we headed straight to Hopkin's. We studied a while and 4:00 rolled around. It was at this time she said that she should head home(next door) as Natalie(another class member) was headed over to pick her up to go out to play ball with the class (for which I did not sign up). So we packed up and we headed next door. When we arrived, I had told Aidah I would wait until Natalie came, as she did not want to wait alone. When Natalie, arrived I was invited to join them. Good lord, I think to my self. But nonetheless, I decided to go. We headed down to the park and were the first to arrive as the game was not scheduled till abouts 5. Game went well! I played a little, however, Im not much of a ball player... 'but showing to be a good sport'! It seems as though the three of us were the only ones not drinking as we're not a drinking crowd! Its 6:30ish and we all head off. The three of us going in Natalie's car as she was gonna drop Aidah and I off at our house's. Along the way we chatted, small talk really. I shotgun, chatted mostly with Natalie and we both discovered each others love for a good steak. We all then decided that we were starving, as none of us had eaten. So after much debate we decided to beef it over to Bonanza. There we ate like cows and studied till 9:00. WOW. What a night!
The following days, things went on as usual. It was roughly 3 days later that I and Aidah had casually said we should do something! Later that day, we still said we should do something. Not sure what yet though, the day went on.
On our ritual daily bench wind-down. We decided to invite Natalie, as it was so much fun with the three of last time. She joking said “sure, you are just using me for my car.” As it turns out we did do something that night, but hell if I can remember what.
The following weeks we did something every night after school. Only separating on the week-ends where we all went to work in separate cities.
We spent, literally, every waking moment together! We got up and were at school by 7.00am, got out of school, around 2:00pm, then we went out for supper, did something(movies, swimming, just chilling, spa-ing, cruising, bowling, cooking, watching Survivor, dinning out). We stayed out until 10 or 11pm every night, to go home and sleep to be at school at 7am to start all over again! It was fucking great!
Things were looking great. Life continued in this fashion for several weeks.
It was soon to come that Denise joined our threesome. We did everything, starting with a large feast including many courses. We went to Safeway and I purchased tones of groceries, where went back to Denise's place and cooked up a storm. From this point on, we did everything together for months.
Soon, Thursday's were set, Survivor Africa started. We being Survivor fans, and Aidah coming from Africa, this was our 'special night'. Thank god for this, for every night was a spending spree...Thursday was 'cheap night', where we stayed home and ate, and watched TV.
On one particular episode, one of the tribe alliances, made friendship necklaces. We thought this was cool. The following week, we happened to be in the mall and stopped by a shop that sold necklace apparel. Various interesting beads and such. We decided that we would all pick a cool bead and all 4 of us would have identical necklaces to represent our circle.
That Thursday, as we watched survivor, we built our necklaces, and vowed to never take them off!
The weeks went flying by jam packed full of events and fun. Swimming, dinning, cooking, watching tv, spa-ing, movies, shopping, traveling, you name it! Things were great!
It was not too long, before, Nat, Aidah and I realized that Denise was not wearing her necklace one day. We did not say anything about it. It was after about a week that we mentioned, she said that she had forgot to put it back on after her shower. It was at that point, I think that the 4-some trembled. Shying herself away from the group, Denise started hanging out with the “other group”(including our arch-enemy MAT COMSTCOCK). She, leaving the group, only made the three of us stronger.
Life went on pretty much as usual, jammed packed with events(a little cheaper now, than before, but still great times)
It was at this point that another merged into the group. Back in the past, quite some time ago, Heidi had come to me and asked me If would come over and study our Food Safe course with her. I had already made plans with Nat, and Aidah( well not really, but it was a unwritten law, that we always did SOMETHING). I said I would get back to her, and later that day, it was planned the Nat, Aidah and I were going to study over at my place. So we invited Heidi along, and she said she was too tired to leave the house, so we ended up at here place for the first time. We ordered pizza and chilled it up.
It was at this time that Heidi and I grew on each other. Chatting and such.
Now, it can be seen that this could and did cut into the groups time. But not much was said, and I balanced both situations nicely. As it turns out Heidi, did not want to socialize with Nat or Aidah, cuz she thought that they hated her, and Nat and Aidah did not want to socialize with Heidi, cuz they thought she hated them. So there I am stuck right smack dab in the middle.
I managed both nicely, of course the group did suffer, since we spent every waking moment together. It was one day that my management skills flawed me. I came out of my house, and both were parked there right behind each other. Heidi, wanting to rent a movie and Nat and Aidah wanting to go to the spa. Well I put my foot down here and said this has got to stop. It was at this time that I had told each other the story about the others not hating each other, and we should chill together. As it turns out, we all ended up going to the spa and having a blast.
From then on Heidi and I did much together. We spent time with the group, but Heidi, never warmed up to the group and was not as close-nit as we were with each other.
Soon my friendship with Heidi was tested greatly. I became a 3rd leg. She met her new boyfriend, Steven. All was well, I suppose. However, time went on and the events that Heidi and I did, turned into “STEVEN AND I ARE GOING SWIMMING".his was cool, as I found Steven to be pretty cool. To some degree, this relationship was merged into the group somewhat, but not really. Time moved on, all to fast, school was coming to an end, we all needed a place to move to, some of us were going back home. There was no way I was going back home, and it came upon us one day that I and Hiedi should move in together to share living costs. As Heidi's relationship grew with Steven's they decided that he should move in with, which I had no say in. As the last days of school approached , we all went our separate ways. Nat went back to Pontiex, Aidah, moved to Regina. After living in our new house for a month or two( which we went through hell to find, then went through hell to get), Tristan(whom was my former roommate and good friend) found a job in Moose Jaw and needed to move back, we, with open arms, let him into the family.
Things went well for a a year and A half. Of course we went threw the common issues that living with roommates brings, but all in all, it was good times. Steven I started hating each other... he strangled my cat with a cord, and then back handly stole one of my cats and took it to his farm, as he self-proclaimed we could not have two, and he brought one home... so I guess mine had to go.... poor Daytona..... she went to his farm, while I thought or months she just ran away. I will forever miss that cat. As great as things were going....... we all started to grow in our own ways..... not really apart from each other..... just grew and went our own ways. Tristan was looking for a place closer to work, and there is random causal talk of Steven and Heidi wanting their own place.
He was here that I slightly was concerned and panicked... now Imma have to move and start all over and stuff. But that lasted on a week or so. Ironically my mother called me up one day and mentioned that she and her boyfriend(BOB- whom of which was previously mentioned, and will be mentioned again later--- stay tuned for that Jerry Springer story in part 2), and she asked if I would like to come. With nothing keeping my in Moose Jaw...and the possible disaster of moving drawing closer and closer I accepted graciously.
So that brings me to Saskatoon. WOOT!
Back in the real world, I realize that I did all my tasks flawlessly, and it was time for me to go home. What a day at work! I see Xris outside waiting for me... so I finish up and come on home. This story ends 5ish years ago, perhaps tomorrow I'll fall into another slumber and reflect on my life thus far in Saskatoon.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Self-Realization of Greed.
MOOD : Slightly Angered
nything in this world, this world would not be the way it is today. Nothing would change and we would be different. If Rosa Parks did not fight for "shotgun", where would society be today? So syntactically speaking anger fuels change. Today I wrestle with some "enemies of anger".
Whilst I hate change with all my heart, I do recognize that it must take place. But while I recognize that is must take place, I do not have to be happy about it, nor do I have to like it. In the last post I made comment on the company expelling people that it felt would hinder or be detrimental to the overall success of said company. By doing this, they hope for change. And to secure their hopes and wishes and to ensure that there hopes come to fruition, they bring in people who they feel are able to provide them with the security and enjoyment of this change.
The people who are bought in to the company to preform this know this. And based on everyone's personal need to succeed, these people will do everything in there power to ensure the goal of change is met. Change is ultimately hit with some viscosity... there is a resistance to flow. People fight it. I know I do! I feel in the circumstances that I am put in this past month, is extremely fragile, and is ready to blow at any second. It seems as tho I am the only one looking at the situation in a clear light, everyone else is looking at things threw the smokey fog of a promised light. There is an attribute of a poor leader, and shallow person and frightened superior that I have come to recognize over the past few years. Over the past few years, I have met many of these people... and have noticed that many have a common attribute.
A poor, shallow, weak and frightened person will often cut down someone or something else to make themselves look better. Its like a heavy person, fattening up a friends so that she looks thinner. A weak leader will bash the other, cut it down, do everything in its power to make the other looker weaker than him or herself in order to make them look the the stronger one. It is much easier to weaken another than to strengthen yourself.
Don't take advantage of a succeeding entity, weakening it, to make yourself look stronger. You were given the tools, the information, the assistance to succeed, and you failed to take it in, use it and learn from it, and now you are scrambling! While the strong entity will be there to assist, please don't abuse it. Order your own product, hire your own staff, grow the company on your own.... don't hope for everyone to do it for you! Don't have some other location baby and cater to all your needs with so much as a thank you. For by sitting back and hoping the problems will be cured by back handed operations, and by good will people that want you to succeed, you are ultimately just playing the same game as your predecessor.
In a relationship there has to be taking and giving! And this has to be an even balance by all parties. What one has to remember is that we are one team. We are not competing! And by one location failing, we as a team fail. Just taking, taking and taking gives the impression of an underlying motive to have the other half of the team fail, as to make themselves look like the stronger half. Now, back to the anger! This angers me! Im not sure at whom I am to be angry. Am I to be angry at the one who is destroying single handedly us while not helping his own team, or shall I be angery at my team for bending over for the raping and allowing this to happe? What do you guys think?
This brings me back to my first statement. "Sometimes when we out seek out enemies, when there is more than enough closer to home." Perhaps, I take things too personal and I should just learn to cope with change. ????... ????... ???? Perhaps it is just me that is making myself so angry. Am I angry at the people, the situation, or the change. I have a lot of self searching to do!
I know that holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
I suppose it is wise to direct my anger towards problems -- not people; to focus my energies on answers -- not excuses. In a controversy, the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for truth and have begun striving for ourselves. Wow, I just discovered that because I'm angered, I am greedy! I guess I know what I must do! I must find the truth and strive to fulfill it!
.
Sometimes when we out seek out enemies, when there is more than enough closer to home.
There is, in the day and age many things that can anger people. Pollution, global warming, violence, politics, war... the list can go on and on. Anger stems from enemies. This enemy does not have to be a person. And to have an enemy that means you have stood up for something. If no one stood up for a
nything in this world, this world would not be the way it is today. Nothing would change and we would be different. If Rosa Parks did not fight for "shotgun", where would society be today? So syntactically speaking anger fuels change. Today I wrestle with some "enemies of anger".Whilst I hate change with all my heart, I do recognize that it must take place. But while I recognize that is must take place, I do not have to be happy about it, nor do I have to like it. In the last post I made comment on the company expelling people that it felt would hinder or be detrimental to the overall success of said company. By doing this, they hope for change. And to secure their hopes and wishes and to ensure that there hopes come to fruition, they bring in people who they feel are able to provide them with the security and enjoyment of this change.
The people who are bought in to the company to preform this know this. And based on everyone's personal need to succeed, these people will do everything in there power to ensure the goal of change is met. Change is ultimately hit with some viscosity... there is a resistance to flow. People fight it. I know I do! I feel in the circumstances that I am put in this past month, is extremely fragile, and is ready to blow at any second. It seems as tho I am the only one looking at the situation in a clear light, everyone else is looking at things threw the smokey fog of a promised light. There is an attribute of a poor leader, and shallow person and frightened superior that I have come to recognize over the past few years. Over the past few years, I have met many of these people... and have noticed that many have a common attribute.
A poor, shallow, weak and frightened person will often cut down someone or something else to make themselves look better. Its like a heavy person, fattening up a friends so that she looks thinner. A weak leader will bash the other, cut it down, do everything in its power to make the other looker weaker than him or herself in order to make them look the the stronger one. It is much easier to weaken another than to strengthen yourself.
Don't take advantage of a succeeding entity, weakening it, to make yourself look stronger. You were given the tools, the information, the assistance to succeed, and you failed to take it in, use it and learn from it, and now you are scrambling! While the strong entity will be there to assist, please don't abuse it. Order your own product, hire your own staff, grow the company on your own.... don't hope for everyone to do it for you! Don't have some other location baby and cater to all your needs with so much as a thank you. For by sitting back and hoping the problems will be cured by back handed operations, and by good will people that want you to succeed, you are ultimately just playing the same game as your predecessor.
In a relationship there has to be taking and giving! And this has to be an even balance by all parties. What one has to remember is that we are one team. We are not competing! And by one location failing, we as a team fail. Just taking, taking and taking gives the impression of an underlying motive to have the other half of the team fail, as to make themselves look like the stronger half. Now, back to the anger! This angers me! Im not sure at whom I am to be angry. Am I to be angry at the one who is destroying single handedly us while not helping his own team, or shall I be angery at my team for bending over for the raping and allowing this to happe? What do you guys think?
This brings me back to my first statement. "Sometimes when we out seek out enemies, when there is more than enough closer to home." Perhaps, I take things too personal and I should just learn to cope with change. ????... ????... ???? Perhaps it is just me that is making myself so angry. Am I angry at the people, the situation, or the change. I have a lot of self searching to do!
I know that holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
I suppose it is wise to direct my anger towards problems -- not people; to focus my energies on answers -- not excuses. In a controversy, the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for truth and have begun striving for ourselves. Wow, I just discovered that because I'm angered, I am greedy! I guess I know what I must do! I must find the truth and strive to fulfill it!
.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Changes on the Forefront of Existance.
Current Mood : Dazed
Throughout my entire life, I have prided myself on being a Taurus. It is even to the point now, where I think I use the stereotype attributes to determine who I am. LOL. But nonetheless, I HATE change. I do not cope well with change at all! All threw out my life, I have fought change to all end. I am not sure as to why I am this way.... I guess I like to be in control, and when there is change on the horizen that I am not in comand of it I panic, throw up defences and fight it all ends.
Recently there have been so many changes taking place that I feel I find life very uncomfortable. As I go on threw the next couple of weeks I am uncertain of my sanity. There is so few people at work that I know anymore. Everyone seems to be moving on by either there own ambitions or the ambitions of the company to expel those it feels unfit.
Whist I agree that the people the company has let go, is great for the company as a whole, and that is what I really do want deep inside somewhere. It does make things differnt and awkward. When you go to work on a daily basis for so long, you fall into a pattern, and when that pattern is disrupted. Its a massive slap in the face. Its not that I was the greatest of friends with this people, and for the most part, I would not even say they were as much as acquaintances. I suppose one just gets accustomed to seeing them everyday. And when they are no longer there, there is a deep underlying sense of loss.
Some of co-workers that I would consider more than co-workers... friends really, are now moving on to a differnt loaction with our company. And in fact there is a some peer pressure from them for me to join them. It is a case of the "Grass being greener on the other side of the fence". Well actaully in this case the they are moving from a lush pasture to a burnt out dead field with(what I feel is empty) promises of even lusher pastures in the upcoming near future. This is even more change that I can not bare to handle. All I can say is that all change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.
I've grown extremely exhausted of all these recent changes, and the stresss it brings me, that I have now, been forced to cope in a fashion I wish not to. I have to go about my business, not get involved, pretend nothing is changing and use this time to slowly get use to it, so that the new now becomes the new old. I now live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that I begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing. Without accepting the fact that everything changes, I cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for me to accept it. Let's see how well I cope!
Until next time, this is the Poomaster signing off!
Take Care and Remember : Have Fun out there.
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